When Does Appeasement Embolden?

When does appeasement embolden? Anyone who has raised children knows that point exists. Children, as an appropriate task of development, challenge their parents, test limits, and push against the rules. At different ages, different rules are challenged at different levels of intensity, but the challenges happen and those kids are looking for the reassurance that comes from boundaries being in place. A parental strategy of allowing any behavior to pass unchecked is no strategy at all. In fact, it is actually detrimental to the children’s well being. Presumably, with appropriately imperfect parental guidance, children develop the ability to self regulate. They become the adults who have very few, if any, interactions with law enforcement beyond traffic enforcement. Clearly, however, development to the level of self regulation isn’t a given.

We have been encouraged to appease even the most radical Trump supporters. Honesty compels me to confess that I have not been able to do that. People I used to be connected with on social media who insisted on pressing their irrational pro-Trump beliefs have been blocked. To say the least, I didn’t find the cognitive dissonance created by the barrage of lies and conspiracy theories to be edifying. On January 6th, we saw the results of a policy of appeasement played out in Washington D.C.. Despite that, we hear people, including President-elect Biden, advocating a continued policy of appeasement. You cannot fix a problem with the same sort of thinking that created it.

It’s important to emphasize that I am not advocating violence in response to violence. That is a strategy that is doomed to fail no matter where it is tried. What I am advocating is non-violent non-appeasement. There is no reason that any of us should listen to an irrational person blither on about their beliefs. We don’t need to confront them, in fact confrontation isn’t effective with an irrational person. What does work is setting firm boundaries. We need to tell people in our lives who try to engage us on this level that we need them to stop, and if they don’t then we need to terminate the conversation and, if necessary, the relationship. There is nothing wrong about refusing to entertain content that is irrational or upsetting. Those of us with children need to set an example of appropriate boundaries for them, perhaps explaining that Uncle Joe isn’t thinking very clearly right now. We don’t have to denigrate a person to establish effective boundaries.

Politicians adopt positions that are consistent with the goals they hope to achieve. A healthy politician (and I suspect they do exist, in the wild if not in captivity) may set boundaries in their personal lives more tightly than they would in their political lives. Tp that point, I can’t imagine Donald Trump will be receiving many dinner invitations from Congressmen or Congresswomen on either side of the aisle after January 20th. We need to remember, however, that appeasement isn’t an effective strategy for unity. At best it causes the likes of radicalized Trump supporters to go underground, waiting for their next opportunity to emerge and wreak havoc. If we are serious about unity, we will need to engage the process of reconciliation, as was done so effectively in South Africa. People across the political spectrum need the opportunity to be heard. None of us would find all of their grievances reasonable or even realistic, but people deserve to be heard – in the right way and in the right forum. Needless to say, trying to carry out a coup is neither the right method nor the right forum.

Gross Psychic Weight

You may have noticed that commercial trucks often have weights listed on the cab of the truck that indicate how much weight the vehicle can safely bear. Those numbers are there to help eliminate the safety risks inherent in driving an overloaded vehicle. They smartcarfailalways remind me of the day we put an old refrigerator out on the street for pickup by the city. Early the next morning, I was surprised to see that refrigerator strapped to the top of an old Honda that was slowly driving down the street with its undercarriage about six inches off the pavement!

While hopefully most of us wouldn’t overload our cars and put our own safety at risk, many of us do gleefully overload our psyche with stress producing schedules, experiences, and activities. We can self-schedule ourselves into a busyness that is literally bad for our health in the same way that strapping a refrigerator to our backs would be. In fact, it’s easier to overload on psychic stress because it is most often invisible until at last our mental “suspension” gives out. Then we can find ourselves immobilized, unable to get out of bed in the morning because we cannot even begin to imagine facing our day. Should you find yourself feeling that way, it’s time to get help. It would be better to get help before we findtired ourselves in that condition!

If you feel your mood or your energy flagging, it would be good to look at your activity level. What can you reduce or eliminate to give yourself time to recover in the same way than an athlete recovers from running a marathon? We can easily find ourselves in a place where we don’t believe we can say “no” to the next request. This can be especially difficult at work, but your health and happiness both depend on your ability to set boundaries. I know someone who worked in a large company here in Milwaukee that routinely expected members of his department to put in eight or more hours of overtime and then report the next day at their usual starting time to do it all over again. The company was mystified when errors increased, productivity decreased, and eventually massive turnover occurred!

We all have our limits, and we all would do well to learn what they are and respect them. It may seem like a good idea to stress ourselves to the breaking point or to have a lot of extra money on our next paycheck, but sooner or later our bodies and our minds will demand we pay the price for abusing them.