What if bad isn’t bad?

First, a disclaimer: The ideas in this post are under development and not finalized in any way, shape or form. I reserve the right to denounce the entire contents at any time in the future.

What if bad isn’t bad? Asked another way, what if the things that happen that we identify as bad are in fact neither good nor bad, but rather represent challenges and opportunities for growth? What if stuff happens, and our job isn’t to feel sorry for ourselves or wonder why a “bad” thing could happen to someone as marvelous as I, but rather to work through whatever it is? What if that process of “working through” is nothing more than the challenge of a human life and the vehicle for growth?

I am thinking here of the old question that gets asked and reformulated about every thirty seconds – why do bad things happen to good people? Religious people ask why God doesn’t stop these things from happening. Eastern religions tend to explain away the bad things by attributing them to karma, which means we deserve them and so have nobody to blame but ourselves. It’s a tidy package, but one that I find ultimately unsatisfying and incomplete. Is there anything about life that is tidy? The other problem with karma as a theory is that it can’t be disproven. We can’t go back into the past and see whether or not we did anything that would require that we die in a house fire in this life. It is sometimes said that a theory has to be falsifiable, which means that just because you can’t prove something is false doesn’t mean it is true.

Suppose the biblical writers were correct when they suggested that the challenges of life are opportunities for growth? Considering that almost everybody encounters some tragedy in their life and that for all our attempts to eliminate tragedy it keeps on happening, perhaps those attempts are an exercise in missing the point. Since “bad” things happen to everyone, we might be well served by doing away with the “why” questions and moving on to the “what am I supposed to learn from this” question.

Since “bad” things happen to everyone, we might be well served by doing away with the “why” question and moving on to the “what am I supposed to learn from this” question.

Craig Bergland

When I think back to my days working in mental health, I recall a huge number of people who were stuck on the “why me?” question. Maybe the answer is, “because everybody.” What if all the time we spend going over and over the wrongs that were done to us needs to be countered with the truth that really ugly stuff happens to everybody, and so a better focus would be “what is this shitty experience meant to teach me?” In this way every tragedy could be redeemed and the energy we expend trying to decode the impossible could be turned toward moving forward. That’s not to say that the lousy things that happen aren’t painful. They are indeed painful, but we magnify that pain when we assume that we have been singled out and are alone in our misery.

This ends the pity party and removes any excuse to wallow in what may well be an essential part of life as if we are a victim. It also frees me from being defined by misfortune because misfortune leads to opportunity. I will never see that opportunity if I can’t move beyond the victim role, and this gives me the vehicle to do precisely that. We will still need to take time to understand our history, but our history no longer defines us because we all share similar histories. What tremendous freedom!

Let the Cleansing Begin!

It is almost predictable. Watch the White people scramble to purge the record of racism and White Supremacy in America. Scrub the history books and convince yourselves that you have done something worthwhile. No more “Gone With the Wind,” get it out of here so we can pretend that never happened. For the record, I never watched that movie anyway so I won’t miss it, but that’s not the point. Then there is a sketch from “Whose Line is it, Anyway?” that lampooned racist police practices but is now seen as racist because, after all, we can’t have any record of any racism in America! Oh the liberals gather appearing skynews-gone-with-the-wind_5010033to want to do something about racism, but in truth what is happening is an attempt to remove the evidence of racism so that we can look good without becoming vulnerable enough to effect actual change.

Country group Lady Antebellum has apologized for having “antebellum” in their name because the word refers to the pre-Civil War south in America, a time in which slavery was legal. They are now “Lady A,” something their fans (who may or may not be able to spell “antebellum”) have called them for some time. There is an unfounded rumor that the name “Fucking A” came in a close second in balloting for the new name, both because of doubts about spelling and a desire to avoid being known as “F-n A,” but I digress.

The point is that when we remove every trace of bad behavior from our memories we become complicit in perpetuating them. Ask you kids if they learned about the Civil Rights Movement in the 1950s and 1960s in school. You may be shocked to learn they didn’t. Ask them if they really know why Martin Luther King, Jr. is important and you may find out your kids believe it’s because streets and plazas are named after him. It’s vitally important that we work to eliminate racism in our society today, but purging records of racism from the past is counter productive and uses energy that would be much better expended in addressing what is happening in 2020!