I have been seeing articles lately, mostly aimed at millennials, declaring that this summer or this year is lost. I confess that I am mystified by this feeling, though I am not unfamiliar with it. In fact, I hear similar things from my thirty something daughter all the time. The summer is lost because the pools may not open, festivals are cancelled, concerts aren’t happening, and all manner of interruptions are taking place in an effort to mitigate the impact of the corona virus. In places where those precautions aren’t being taken the number of cases are rapidly rising, just as the experts predicted they would – imagine that!
We tend to confuse what is typical or what is normal with what is mandatory. Just because things most often play out in a certain way doesn’t mean that is the only way our lives can unfold. Most of us have likely seen a DVD of a popular movie that included alternate endings. Suppose that a movie was released to theaters with different endings that were randomly chosen. Would that mean that people who saw the second ending didn’t see that movie and had wasted their time and money going to the theater? Would it mean they had never seen the movie?
Life unfolds in ways that are often unpredictable. That’s what keeps it interesting. I once watched a movie with a friend who had seen that movie six times. For some reason they thought I would enjoy it if they continually told me what would happen next. They were like a talking, popcorn munching spoiler. I finally had to tell them to shut up or turn the movie off because knowing what would happen next took all the fun out of the movie! Life is the same way. Knowing what’s coming next may keep us safe from unpleasant surprises, but it keeps us safe from the pleasant ones, too!
Whatever happens this summer, trust that life will unfold just the way it is supposed to unfold, even if that is very different from previous years. Decide to enjoy the unusual rather than bemoan missing your thirty-fourth Phish concert. Think of the rest of this year as an adventure, because that is what it is. Celebrate the break from routine and look for the new and the positive. I promise you that what you look for is what you get. That means you ultimately decide whether this year is wasted or lost – and you are the only one you can blame for the outcome!
Back in the good old days when I was a child, back yard fallout shelters for the soon to be arriving nuclear winter were all the rage. Those in the know and with the means had them installed and stocked them with canned goods in a kind of pre-survivalist form of denial. Everything you needed to survive, the theory went, could be stocked in your underground hideaway. The fact that it would take hundreds to thousands of years for your neighborhood to be habitable above ground apparently wasn’t of concern. You would be just fine underground, killing your neighbors who tried to access your shelter before you could seal the door. There were countless movies made during this time that played out these scenarios ad nauseum. Funny, though, I don’t remember any fallout shelters including a toilet.
This all sounds great, right? Except that if Covid-19 has taught us anything, it’s that the kind of person who would have a backyard bomb shelter would never make it. It was the conservatives who were hawks when it came to war that wanted the shelters, and it’s the conservatives today who are crying about their rights being restricted after weeks (not decades) of staying at home in a decidedly half-ass sort of way. It’s the conservatives who don’t want to wear a mask to protect others and feel the need to strut around with their long guns at their side, something most definitely ill advised in the middle of a nuclear winter. It’s the conservatives who dismiss science in favor of their own opinion and feel the need to reopen the economy at the cost of thousands of lives. Clearly, they would feel the need to reopen the door of their fallout shelter against scientific advice as well. After all, they know their rights.
Nature really does abhor a vacuum, even if it is between the ears of a snowflake.
One of the things I find fascinating about the experience of safer at home during the last several weeks is the number of people who are struggling with perceived isolation. I don’t refer here to people who live alone and cannot go to work. I refer to the rest of us. We have social contact. Perhaps we go to work, or visit with friends and colleagues virtually, we might work virtually, we go to the grocery store and other essential places, and yet to hear some people tell it you would think they were in solitary confinement!
I would like to suggest that if the above describes how you are feeling you would benefit
from some self examination. If you are partnered, I would ask you to consider that maybe the only reason the two (or more) of you aren’t doing well is because the only time you can tolerate each other is when you are separated most of the time. If that’s the case, it might be time to ask some serious questions about your relationship and consider getting some counseling when this is all over. There are concrete steps you can take to improve things, and at this time you have a great opportunity to begin!
The third possibility is that you are hiding from yourself. There are things about yourself or your history that you don’t want to consider, and all this time with less to do than normal increases the possibility that they will surface. In normal times, you can keep nearly perpetually active, stopping only to collapse into bed at night and hitting the floor running in the morning. Now, however, when you are alone you may be experiencing anxiety and the need to find something, almost anything, to do. The answer is to engage in some grounding practices and just be present to what you are feeling. Running away isn’t going to help, it’s just going to kick the problem further down the road until you have no choice but to face it. That’s always more traumatic that choosing to face it. Don’t waste this valuable time. It may not come again until fall!
…with all that toilet paper? This is a serious question. For weeks now, you have been buying every last roll of toilet paper you can get your hands on. I am trying to decide what you are doing that you continue to need more. Mind you, I have plenty. I bought two nine packs about five weeks ago and we are likely good for at least another month. This brings me back to my question – what are you doing?
Is it that you are now forced to cook at home and are so horrendously bad at it that you have constant diarrhea? If that was the case you would have become critically dehydrated and died by now. Does it make you drunk with power to look at the massive collection of toilet paper you have accumulated? Do you sit at home just gazing at a shit paper pyramid with glee while slowly diddling yourself? Is this what you have been reduced to during these stressful times? If that’s the case then I feel compelled to tell you as a public service that you have lost your damn mind.
I understand that you are anxious, really I do. The problem is that the solution you have arrived at to assuage your anxiety has nothing to do with the cause of your anxiety. You feel out of control and that is an uncomfortable feeling. I understand. There is nothing about stockpiling anything that is going to really cause you to regain control. You won’t feel you are in control until things have returned to normal. In all likelihood that is months away, long after safer at home orders have been lifted. By then you won’t be able to leave your house because you will have trapped yourself behind a pyramid of ass wipe and struggle to get to the door.
Get some help. Now.
I know these people, really nice people, but dumb as a box of rocks. They are really concerned about keeping their toddler, who they still take to daycare despite not really needing to, away from other people. Except the daycare people and kids, and various members of pregnant couples they have had over to the house to give away some of their baby stuff they no longer need. Then there are his fishing trips in a canoe with his buddy. Oh, and don’t forget the occasional friend that drops by “just because.”
That’s not social distancing, people. That’s the kind of stupidity that will delay the curve on this virus from flattening and put other people who are at risk in danger. That’s the kind of stupid shit you would expect from younger adults who haven’t figured out they aren’t invincible yet, but would hope they could see that this is serious. That’s the behavior that will kill your toddler’s grandmother just as surely as if you put a gun to her head and pull the trigger.
Our nation is being led by a bunch of fools who value their wealth over your life. Let that sink in for a minute. Profits motivate more than science, lies more that facts, hallucination more than reality. Ego rules the day, bluster is valued more than fact, and the very party that prattles on about states’ rights when it is convenient to them are not making noises, along with Faux News a.k.a. State TV, that they the cure may be worse than the disease and shut downs may well have to end after two weeks.
The truth is that an overwhelmed medical system and a skyrocketing absentee rate due to illness will cripple the economy as surely as anything else. We can allow businesses to reopen, but if there aren’t enough healthy people to work they will simply close again in a month- likely for much longer as they struggle to replace workers who will not return. Even for those with microscopic attention spans, limited ability to understand things that cannot be seen, and profound struggles with math, the impact of a forty percent or higher absentee rate is something that people should be able to comprehend – especially if they are wonderful, successful, terrific businessmen.
What we have is a President who was elected by greedy people. For him and his ilk, greed is God, and their primary concern is enriching themselves. Their secondary concern is accumulating power to serve the first concern. Perhaps ironically, many of these people lack the intelligence to stop playing on the railroad tracks, even as the train of pandemic is honking its horn trying to get them to move. We all know how that story ends.
COVID 19, aka the corona virus, seems to have brought the world to its knees – with some notably stupid exceptions. In the United States, we have seen increasingly restrictive measures taken by state and local governments as they try to control the spread of a virus that we still aren’t completely sure of its method of transmission. Some of the measures taken seem sensible, others seem profoundly silly if not outright stupid. Among those is the elbow bump, which we are told is preferable to the handshake for limiting transmission of the virus despite the fact that two people need to stand significantly closer – twice as close, in fact – to bump elbows than they do to shake hands. Given that transmissions seems to be droplet transmission, moving in closer to the potential business end of an unexpected sneeze doesn’t seem advisable.
Meanwhile, as government officials are finding new and better ways to look foolish, Americans have been panic buying and hoarding any number of products from toilet paper to hand sanitizer. Oddly enough for a flu virus, kleenex doesn’t seem to be the object of hoarding, which is only one of any number of things about this virus and our government’s response to it that makes very little sense. Public gatherings were restricted first in a general sort of way, then to groups smaller than fifty, then to groups smaller than ten. Tomorrow I would expect the restriction will be groups no larger than three people and a goat. Meanwhile the twenty-four hour news cycle rolls on, and people are becoming increasingly overwhelmed by seemingly endless and endlessly changing information.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, I have some suggestions. The first would be to limit your news intake to thirty minutes a day. You can break that up however you like, but once you hit your thirty minutes you are done with any news source until the next day. The second thing is to decide what you can control. You cannot control the spread of the virus, but you can control your own activity and behavior. If you really don’t want to contract the virus, stay in your house and don’t have guests over. Between Amazon, services like Door Dash, and other delivery services, we can now have everything delivered. Choose “no contact” deliveries so you don’t have to expose yourself to the delivery person. The virus can’t get in your house unless it is riding in someone who has it. Finally, distract yourself. Read a book, watch a TV show or a movie on Netflix, go for a walk, bake a cake, take up origami, perfect the paper airplane. This will not last forever, and some perspective mixed with distraction will make the time pass much more comfortably.