The problem with relationships is they ask us to trust someone else, and that opens the door to being hurt. This leads some people to choose not to trust (and quite often to be control freaks), the result of which is those people hurt themselves through the stunted life they lead. The self-protection of attempting to control others is a destructive illusion that precludes healthy relationships. You are either in or out, there is no such thing as an authentic, halfway relationship.
People sometimes say to me, “I let my wife do this or that,” as if they deserve a cookie for “allowing” another adult to make a choice to meet a need they have.
Let’s be clear: no adult needs “permission” from any other adult to do anything. We “allow” children to do things, but if we believe we have the right to deny allow another adult to exercise their free will then we have become a manipulative, pathetic excuse for a partner – in fact, such behavior is abusive. Here’s the lesson: other people do not exist to make you happy. Believing that’s the case is narcissism.