Who’s the Snowflake Now?

bomb shelterBack in the good old days when I was a child, back yard fallout shelters for the soon to be arriving nuclear winter were all the rage. Those in the know and with the means had them installed and stocked them with canned goods in a kind of pre-survivalist form of denial. Everything you needed to survive, the theory went, could be stocked in your underground hideaway. The fact that it would take hundreds to thousands of years for your neighborhood to be habitable above ground apparently wasn’t of concern. You would be just fine underground, killing your neighbors who tried to access your shelter before you could seal the door. There were countless movies made during this time that played out these scenarios ad nauseum. Funny, though, I don’t remember any fallout shelters including a toilet.

This all sounds great, right? Except that if Covid-19 has taught us anything, it’s that the snowflakeskind of person who would have a backyard bomb shelter would never make it. It was the conservatives who were hawks when it came to war that wanted the shelters, and it’s the conservatives today who are crying about their rights being restricted after weeks (not decades) of staying at home in a decidedly half-ass sort of way. It’s the conservatives who don’t want to wear a mask to protect others and feel the need to strut around with their long guns at their side, something most definitely ill advised in the middle of a nuclear winter. It’s the conservatives who dismiss science in favor of their own opinion and feel the need to reopen the economy at the cost of thousands of lives. Clearly, they would feel the need to reopen the door of their fallout shelter against scientific advice as well. After all, they know their rights.

Nature really does abhor a vacuum, even if it is between the ears of a snowflake.

Why Didn’t God…?

As someone who has been in the religion and spirituality biz for a long time now (cue the old guy jokes), I can tell you that the most frequently asked question in religion is some version of the title to this post. Why didn’t God ______________? You can fill in the blank with anything you can imagine – and people do exactly that. Why did Grandma die, why didn’t God save my puppy, why was I assaulted, why did it rain on my wedding day, why does God allow [everything we don’t like], the list goes on and on. The answers given to that question, sometimes but not always by well meaning people, are almost as numerous as the questions asked. All of them, save the one I am about to give you, are nonsense.

The reason God didn’t do what you wanted or hoped God would do is because you misunderstand the nature of God. It’s not your fault, you got your faulty images from institutional religion. Institutional religion lies to you all the time because it isn’t in the truth business. Institutional religion is in the marketing business. They want to keep you coming back for more and putting money in the collection plate. They try to get you to do that because that’s how they stay in business. Therefore, they will tell you some version of “it’s your fault.” God doesn’t rescue you because you are a sinner, or don’t have enough faith, or love the wrong people, or used to masturbate to a picture of Marie Osmond in a Tiger Beat magazine. These are all wrong answers.

The correct answer is that God doesn’t rescue us, God journeys with us. God isn’t a superhero or a helicopter parent, God is a companion. The vision of God you have been sold is defective.

I will be writing more about this in the near future, but in the meantime you might want to consider every story you ever heard from the scriptures of your religious tradition. If you do, you will find that many of them contradict the teachings of your tradition. You will come to see that institutional religion, and in some cases the authors of scripture, make their living not by telling you the truth but rather by convincing you that their version of God is better than the others. Many times they tell you that right after insisting that there is only one God – a direct contradiction to their marketing campaign. The good news is that you can learn to see for yourself, and clearly!

Compelled to Castrate

It used to be called “inclusive language,” now more and more it’s being called “genderless language.” If genderless language is anything like inclusive language, it will fast become an idol. Allow me to explain…

My first church valued inclusive language to the point where if something wasn’t written that way – even things written long before the advent of inclusive language – they couldn’t hear it and wanted to exclude it from gatherings of the church. They would alter it when they could, and all of our songs were castrated for our protection, but there were ken dolltimes it just didn’t work. If you waltz into a piece of poetry, for example, and set about changing the language to remove the penises (penii?), you change the rhyme and the meter and effectively destroy the work of the artist in service to your own ego. Genderless language, whatever else it might do, does the same thing. Becoming a proponent of it often leads one to look at every piece of writing or speech they encounter with an eye toward gender first. Since in all likelihood the writer didn’t have gender on their mind when they wrote whatever it is you are sanitizing, keeping the world safe from gender is an exercise in missing the point.

Many of us know someone who feels compelled to mention gender or sexuality in nearly every conversation. Statements like, “As a queer woman, I like green beans,” are simply nonsense, yet some people will go to rather cumbersome lengths to ensure we don’t forget their sexuality. To be completely honest, I find such practices profoundly boring. I occasionally listen to a podcast where in more episodes than not one host mentions being a queer woman, another mentions teaching theology in a university setting, and the third mentions having worked in a lay capacity for a religious order for many years. They are more or less equivalent expressions of their unmet ego needs, not all that different from insisting on genderless language. Such practices are extremely boring and obtrusive to me. Go ahead, use whatever language you care to use and find your identity wherever you need to find it. Just get on with it, already, and perhaps we can talk about something of substance!

Let’s Get Real

surrounded by assholesCan I be honest for just a minute? I am talking about being brutally honest and pulling no punches. If this corona virus has taught us anything, it has taught us that we are surrounded by ego maniacal, delusional, narcissistic assholes. There really is no other way to put it that does justice to the level of dysfunction in this country from the White House to the last hillbilly loading his weapons and heading to their Statehouse wearing a mask because they are a curious blend of bravado and cowardice.

You see, normal healthy individuals don’t just decide they don’t give a care about other coronavirus-protest-denver-colorado-getty-200420_hpMain_20200420-043502_16x9_992people’s health and lives, knowingly putting them in jeopardy. Make no mistake about it, that’s exactly what these assholes are doing. They have been presented with the evidence repeatedly yet they choose to ignore it. Healthy, psychologically intact people simply don’t do that. If you need more evidence for the large number of narcissists among us, just look at the ratings of Fox News. Despite encouraging their own employees to do the right things – social distance, stay at home if they are sick, frequent hand washing – their personality-less personalities go on the air and preach the exact opposite. Significantly, their narcissistic audience responds in an overwhelmingly positive fashion. Why? Well, because they are narcissists for whom facts don’t apply. They are people who honestly believe that whatever little nonsense bangs around their twisted narcissistbrains is more reliable than science, more reliable than fact. My question is, if they are so sure they are right then why are they wearing masks? Shouldn’t they be proud, bravely showing their faces? Surely they can’t be covering their faces because of the virus, because the virus isn’t anything to worry about, right? So what is the issue?

Some well meaning but blissfully ignorant people tell us we need to heal the political divide in America. They say we can’t go on with the status quo, but anyone who was raised by a narcissist or married to one knows that they aren’t interested in coming to an understanding but rather expect the world to see the brilliance of their bullshit and fall in line. Much like trying to debate a drunk, trying to reconcile with a narcissist is a fool’s errand. Absent extensive psychological intervention, they aren’t going to be able to change, much less be interested in changing. Instead of trying to rope the wind, what those of us who have contact with reality need to do is mobilize. We need to mobilize to get out the vote, mobilize to pressure our elected officials to make responsible decisions rather than pander to narcissists, and actively protests those individuals and companies that do not comply. It is the only way we will ever see change.

 

Becoming Well Informed

Irony of ironies, now that I have more time for social media, I find that I struggle to tolerate it. With people having more time to post, and posting a lot about the current pandemic, their ignorance is coming to the fore. I find this to be especially true about geekmillennials, and it has nothing to do with their intelligence. Whether they are smart as a whip or dumb as a box of rocks, it seems they have little idea of how to think critically. Added to their tendency to isolate from the news cycle, what we are left with is a recipe for disaster.

At least in part, it’s not their fault. Our educational system has become obsessed with STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics). The reason is that corporations say they need more people in these fields, and I believe them. However, in true American fashion, we have exercised little moderation in this effort and so tended to cut what we in the old days would have called a solid liberal arts foundation from our education. This is true not only at the university level, but also in primary and secondary education. We teach to the test, restrict our curricula to so-called common core materials, and teach to the test. To be quite clear, this is the fault not of teachers but of school boards and administrators across the country. What we are left with is technological social misfits who lack common sense.

One result of this is that news is boring, somehow less than important, as so we pay little attention to it. When we do pay attention to it, we don’t go in depth because we don’t find it very important, and so we are easy prey for the misleading headline. When our friends say something it carries as much weight as the New York Times. We “hear” things and pass them along as fact, revealing our ignorance with startling starkness. We don’t stop to think about the impact of passing along what we have “heard” or questionable memes on our friends, as I witnessed on one person’s Facebook page when he passed along a conspiracy meme that was critical of healthcare workers in the corona virus struggle, suggesting they never get sick and so it’s not real. Of course neither assertion is true. He handsome-man-reading-newspaper-street_23-2147694649never considered that one of his friends is a Registered Nurse on the front lines of the battle.

The biggest problem in all of this may well be that it cannot be corrected overnight. You can’t just pick up tomorrow’s paper and become well informed. It takes time, and it takes practice. It starts with learning the difference between credible sources and propaganda mills. It continues with implementing a healthy skepticism to everything you hear or read, taking care to look at the source from which it came. This is important because if you aren’t well informed you can’t be a responsible citizen. You simply cannot go to the polls and cast a vote in your own self-interest if you lack the ability to discern which candidate represents that self-interest. This doesn’t take hours each day. Ten minutes a day reading news from a solid source, or listening to it, is a good start. It takes work, and you have to commit to it, but if you care anything about your life and the lives of the next generation, it isn’t optional. In fact, I can guarantee you will feel better about yourself.

Fools Driving Disaster

20200323_104650Our nation is being led by a bunch of fools who value their wealth over your life. Let that sink in for a minute. Profits motivate more than science, lies more that facts, hallucination more than reality. Ego rules the day, bluster is valued more than fact, and the very party that prattles on about states’ rights when it is convenient to them are not making noises, along with Faux News a.k.a. State TV, that they the cure may be worse than the disease and shut downs may well have to end after two weeks.

The truth is that an overwhelmed medical system and a skyrocketing absentee rate due to illness will cripple the economy as surely as anything else. We can allow businesses to reopen, but if there aren’t enough healthy people to work they will simply close again in a month- likely for much longer as they struggle to replace workers who will not return. Even for those with microscopic attention spans, limited ability to understand things that cannot be seen, and profound struggles with math, the impact of a forty percent or trumpangryhigher absentee rate is something that people should be able to comprehend – especially if they are wonderful, successful, terrific businessmen.

What we have is a President who was elected by greedy people. For him and his ilk, greed is God, and their primary concern is enriching themselves. Their secondary concern is accumulating power to serve the first concern. Perhaps ironically, many of these people lack the intelligence to stop playing on the railroad tracks, even as the train of pandemic is honking its horn trying to get them to move. We all know how that story ends.

Priorities

Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI), one of the poorest excuses for a human being in Congress ronjohnsontoday, if not in history, first said that the corona virus wasn’t serious and then said that a death rate of one percent wasn’t worth harming the economy. In other words Ron Johnson’s greed, in his very tiny mind and non-existent morality, is worth the death of millions of Americans. His greed is worth minimizing the seriousness of a pandemic and lying to the American public. The truth is that while Sen. Ron Johnson is opposed to abortion, he clearly isn’t pro-life. If he thought for a second that being anti-abortion was going to cost him money, his tune would change dramatically and instantly. He is the worst kind of politician, one who would sell his soul for a dollar and ninety-fiveĀ cents, the equivalent of a crack whore who steals your money without giving you syphilis.

The truth is that many if not most politicians on the national level as there because they want to increase their personal fortune. The evidence is how many of them, on both sides of the aisle, are only too willing to take special interest money and vote accordingly. As we sit at home and shelter in place, we should pay close attention to who acts in our best interest and who acts in theirs. Then we need to work to send them home, permanently – if the corona virus doesn’t do it for us. We, too, need to put our personal interests aside and act in the interest of the common good. We need to send a message to those who pretend to represent us that we will hold them accountable.

A Conspiracy Network for Jesus

***COMPOSITE***Remember this guy? Back in the glory days of televangelism he was simultaneously most successful, most derided, and most criminal of the lot – and there was a lot of competition for that title. In a crude distortion of the Jesus story these con artists claimed to be hawking, was eventually betrayed by colleagues in the televangelism racket and lost everything, going to prison for his crimes. Along the way he had an affair with his surgically enhanced church secretary, who later sold her wares in a skin mag,

You might have thought that would be the end of him in pseudo religious circles, but you iwaswrongbakkerwould be wrong. After his release from prison we wrote a book calledĀ I Was Wrong, and for a moment I was fooled, thinking he might truly be repentant. He so clearly articulated what he had done wrong and how he found himself in the position to defraud his followers. I ever felt sorry for the little bastard. It seems what he was doing was plotting the next phase of his life – conning seniors in the best place to find them in large numbers, Branson, MO. His message, like his character, has deteriorated even further from his days at the original PTL Club. Characterized by right wing politics and threats of a coming apocalypse, he is the ultimate huckster. Selling everything you can pack into a five gallon bucket to help you survive the coming tribulation – including a five gallon bucket with an attachable toilet seat so you can eliminate your five gallons of broccoli with cheese sauce while remaining in your bunker. The only question that remains would be how to tell the slop he sells from a used toilet bucket.

foodbakkerNow the Food and Drug Administration and the Federal Trade Commission have ordered his to stop selling his latest nonsense that claims to have killed previous versions of the corona virus and so surely will kill this one – complete with a book and DVD, of course. He has forty-eight hours to comply or the fines will begin, no doubt accompanied by his claims of being persecuted. He is the lowest of the low, preying on the very people Jesus told us to protect. Of course, it’s never been about Jesus, has it? Neither for Jim Bakker nor his like in the evangelical, televangelist racket, it has always been about the money.

Have you noticed that televangelists almost never criticize each other? Whether is was harrard_meth_bigJimmy Swaggert masturbating into the panties of a twenty dollar prostitute while he told her how dirty she was, Robert Tilton opening envelopes sent to him with prayer requests and a check but removing only the check, Eddie Long grooming young men to be his sex partners while railing against homosexuality, Ted Haggard blowing his prostitute cum meth dealer, or any of the dozens of other disgusting crimes committed by these frauds, they almost to a person refused to criticize one another. Why?

swaggertThe only reason I can think that a preacher would not be critical of another preacher caught in scandal would be that they all know things about one another that they don’t want revealed. Even a cursory investigation into a few of these people reveals practices that would make Caligula blush. It seems that nearly all of them are profoundly wounded individuals who have spent so much time preaching against the very behaviors that compulsively drive them and have hidden those behaviors behind a code of silence that now compels them to protect one another by maintaining the cover up. The result is that anyone still electing to wade into those waters does so at their own peril – likely at the cost of their bank account.

Coronavirus and Corona Beer

…are not the same thing. In fact, they are not linked in any way other than sharing a name. You do not get coronavirus from drinking corona beer. Depending on which coronavirussurvey you believe, between sixteen and thirty-eight percent of Americans believe there is a connection. Claims that Corona stock has fallen are not true, and Corona claims sales are not down, but give it time. Splitting the difference between surveys, we can surmise that one quarter of Americans are profoundly stupid. There is no gentle way to say it. They should, even as adults, be riding the shorty bus to work and wearing hockey helmets for their own protection. That is astounding.

Then again, intelligence – like every naturally occurring phenomena – is distributed IQcurveacross a bell curve. If you are familiar with bell curves, that means you know that half of Americans are of below average intelligence. One of the implications of that is that half of the voting populace are of below average intelligence. That goes a long way to explaining much of our problem. Odds are, those same people heading home after voting will not be stopping for a Corona beer. It seems to me that is something the good people at Corona should be jumping on in their next advertising campaign. “Corona: not for idiots!” You can just send me a check for the idea, Corona.

Jesus Said We Should Eat our Wheaties

He did. In the Bible. Wheaties were a big part of his spiritual program. It’s right there in the Bible. He was also big on isometric exercise. He said so in John’s gospel.

lincolninternetThe most frightening part of those statements is that some people will believe them. I am quite honestly surprised no advertising agency has tried to work out a way to claim that Jesus endorsed products. Oh sure, some people would raise a fuss but a lot of other people would swallow that stuff hook, line, and sinker. They would be arguing with their friends that Wheaties are the most godly cereal even invented and that eating Frosted Flakes is satanic. It is as if life was a card game and much of the world runs around trying to collect trump cards (you should pardon the expression) they can whip out at any moment to win arguments or end debates. The result is that far too many people are invested in nonsense.

gotochurchjesusI just finished a book by Ronald Rolheiser that claimed Jesus taught that four things were non-negotiable, and the fourth one was “go to church.” There are several problems with this statement. The first is that Christianity only arose after Jesus was killed. That means there weren’t any churches until long after Jesus was gone, The second is that Jesus never even said “go to the synagogue,” because synagogues were a development that arose after the destruction of the Temple some forty years after Jesus’ death. The third and biggest problem is that Rolheiser is a Roman shadysalespitchCatholic priest and presumably knows what he wrote isn’t true. His assertion is equivalent to saying that Jesus wants you to eat you Wheaties.

I think I can speak for everyone who has walked away from institutional religion when I say we are tired of the lies, we are tired of shady sales pitches that are easily debunked. We expect truth from spiritual teachers and leaders, not self-serving propaganda. We want to hear truth that will help us, not the kind of lies that we get told at the bar when someone is trying to get in our pants – or the pants of our children, in the case of Roman priests. We seek to be educated, not seduced; informed, not coerced. So spare us the nonsense and tell it like it is or else save your breath. We aren’t buying any longer.