Unseen Casualties

chronic painThe most important casualties of the current pandemic are those with COVID 19. They are the victims and they are receiving most of the attention – as they should. Then there are those who desperately want to be victims, the conspiracy theorists and those who feel their rights are being impinged upon when asked to wear a mask to protect their fellow citizens. They are the infantile cry babies, and should be ignored completely. In the middle are those of us with chronic conditions who have been unable to get treatment during this crisis. Some of us remain unable to get treatment because of irresponsible behavior on the part of our providers.

Consider Advanced Pain Management, a multi-State pain management conglomerate. Closing all their clinics on March 17, they assured patients that it was for everyone’s protection. For profit healthcare rarely does anything to protect anyone other than itself. More than two months later, the vast majority of their clinics remain closed. The exceptions are a few in towns so small they couldn’t even get a bus to stop at the local gas station. Meanwhile, patients in metropolitan areas wait for some movement and cannot get answers. We can get phone appointments, but if we need more than a refill or a phone call we are told to go to our primary care physician or the local emergency chronic pain cycledepartment. Neither of those places will treat someone with chronic pain, of course. They may order imaging or lab tests, but whatever the results we are referred to the still-closed pain clinic for treatment.

You may be thinking we should suck it up, but some of us are risking permanent injury while we wait for our clinics to reopen. In my case, I now have involuntary muscle movement and loss of range of motion. You may be thinking, “find another clinic.” The problem with that is the pain industry has made it very difficult to switch clinics for fear the patient might be trying to get more narcotics – even when your clinic is “temporarily closed.” Further, there is no way for a new provider to get medical records from a clinic that isn’t open. The clinics hold all the cards, and right now some of them aren’t even coming to the table.

Every time I pass a “heroes wear scrubs” yard sign I have to laugh. Yes, some of them do in fact wear scrubs. Others have been withdrawn from the battle by irresponsible employers like Advanced Pain Management, their patients left to fend for themselves. That’s not healthcare, it’s cover your ass behavior by the worst of for-profit medicine. Tell me again that we don’t need healthcare reform, please.

What Are You Doing…

…with all that toilet paper? This is a serious question. For weeks now, you have been buying every last roll of toilet paper you can get your hands on. I am trying to decide what you are doing that you continue to need more. Mind you, I have plenty. I bought assholeTPtwo nine packs about five weeks ago and we are likely good for at least another month. This brings me back to my question – what are you doing?

Is it that you are now forced to cook at home and are so horrendously bad at it that you have constant diarrhea? If that was the case you would have become critically dehydrated and died by now. Does it make you drunk with power to look at the massive collection of toilet paper you have accumulated? Do you sit at home just gazing at a shit paper pyramid with glee while slowly diddling yourself? Is this what you have been reduced to during these stressful times? If that’s the case then I feel compelled to tell you as a public service that you have lost your damn mind.

I understand that you are anxious, really I do. The problem is that the solution you have one flewarrived at to assuage your anxiety has nothing to do with the cause of your anxiety. You feel out of control and that is an uncomfortable feeling. I understand. There is nothing about stockpiling anything that is going to really cause you to regain control. You won’t feel you are in control until things have returned to normal. In all likelihood that is months away, long after safer at home orders have been lifted. By then you won’t be able to leave your house because you will have trapped yourself behind a pyramid of ass wipe and struggle to get to the door.

Get some help. Now.

Privilege Comes in Many Forms

Whenever I read about a super model’s experience with body shaming over the course of her career, my initial reaction is sympathetic. I am sure that such incidents are terrible and can have a negative impact on a person’s self esteem. I absolutely believe that when your multi-million dollar career depends on what the scale and the tape measure say you can easily become preoccupied with weighing yourself and checking your measurements. I also know that you have an ability the average person with faced with the same challenges doesn’t have. You can walk away and not worry about having a place to live or enough to eat.

When a waitress at the local nightclub is confronted with those same issues, she can’t walk away because her earnings are barely enough to live on and certainly not enough to invest in such a way that she can retire at thirty-five years old. When the receptionist at the local modeling agency is told she is getting too chubby to represent the agency well, she likely has to remain in her position and lose weight as fast as she can because she needs her job to keep a roof over her child’s head. To be clear, all three women are being treated inappropriately and have the absolute right to be upset and seek to redress their grievances. Only one has the resources to make real choices about how to respond. That is a form of privilege we don’t hear many people talking about, but we definitely need to talk about and recognize privilege in all its forms.

In our culture money is perhaps the ultimate privilege. It does cover a multitude of sins, both our own and those of others. Money affords us choices that the average person doesn’t have available to them. It doesn’t remove the sting of mistreatment, but it does offer many escape routes not enjoyed by the average person.  You will have to excuse me when a millionaire wants to carry on about their struggles, because I am not that interested. I would much rather hear about and address the struggles of the average person. Sorry, Chrissy.

You should know…

You should know that you will meet many people who will purport to be your friend for precisely as long as it is to their advantage. The moment you do something they don’t like, they will disappear. They were never a friend. True friendship weathers disagreement.

Sometimes, the pain…

Sometimes, the pain – whether physical, emotional, or psychological – is too much. Despite all of our best intentions and determination, the thought of moving forward is overwhelming. We have listened to doctors, therapists, teachers, and gurus who have all told us that we must press on, but in this moment we feel absolutely exhausted and about to embark on the longest endurance race imaginable and our gas tank is empty. All of the advertising slogans spring into our minds. Just do it, when the going gets tough the tough get going, no pain no gain, on and on they drone beating us down even further even as we scream at them to just be quiet.pain

At moments like these, listen to yourself. Above all, don’t listen to advertising or personal trainers. Don’t do what your friends did in a similar situation because you are not your friends. We all have different specific needs, but we all have a similar need to treat ourselves well and be gentle with our minds and bodies.

A few years back during the fiftieth Super Bowl halftime show they limped out the most valuable player from every Super Bowl. Every last one who had been retired more than five years could barely walk. This is what happens when we refuse to listen to our bodies and continue trying to run through brick walls. A similar, though less visible and likely more damaging, thing happens to our psyches when we try to run through mental and emotional walls.

It quite simply isn’t worth the price we pay when we deceive ourselves about our abilities. Listen to your body and listen to your mind, and slow down before it starts to hurt. If the pain has already started, stop and treat yourself with gentleness and nurturance. Take a bath, soak in a hot tub, go for a walk and connect with nature, pet your dog or cat or partner, breathe deeply, clear your schedule, and do it all with great attention, feeling, and gentleness. Repeat as needed. Whatever issues you may be facing will wait for you. Life is not a race. Allow yourself to heal. It has never been more important.