Privilege Comes in Many Forms

Whenever I read about a super model’s experience with body shaming over the course of her career, my initial reaction is sympathetic. I am sure that such incidents are terrible and can have a negative impact on a person’s self esteem. I absolutely believe that when your multi-million dollar career depends on what the scale and the tape measure say you can easily become preoccupied with weighing yourself and checking your measurements. I also know that you have an ability the average person with faced with the same challenges doesn’t have. You can walk away and not worry about having a place to live or enough to eat.

When a waitress at the local nightclub is confronted with those same issues, she can’t walk away because her earnings are barely enough to live on and certainly not enough to invest in such a way that she can retire at thirty-five years old. When the receptionist at the local modeling agency is told she is getting too chubby to represent the agency well, she likely has to remain in her position and lose weight as fast as she can because she needs her job to keep a roof over her child’s head. To be clear, all three women are being treated inappropriately and have the absolute right to be upset and seek to redress their grievances. Only one has the resources to make real choices about how to respond. That is a form of privilege we don’t hear many people talking about, but we definitely need to talk about and recognize privilege in all its forms.

In our culture money is perhaps the ultimate privilege. It does cover a multitude of sins, both our own and those of others. Money affords us choices that the average person doesn’t have available to them. It doesn’t remove the sting of mistreatment, but it does offer many escape routes not enjoyed by the average person.  You will have to excuse me when a millionaire wants to carry on about their struggles, because I am not that interested. I would much rather hear about and address the struggles of the average person. Sorry, Chrissy.

You should know…

You should know that you will meet many people who will purport to be your friend for precisely as long as it is to their advantage. The moment you do something they don’t like, they will disappear. They were never a friend. True friendship weathers disagreement.

Sometimes, the pain…

Sometimes, the pain – whether physical, emotional, or psychological – is too much. Despite all of our best intentions and determination, the thought of moving forward is overwhelming. We have listened to doctors, therapists, teachers, and gurus who have all told us that we must press on, but in this moment we feel absolutely exhausted and about to embark on the longest endurance race imaginable and our gas tank is empty. All of the advertising slogans spring into our minds. Just do it, when the going gets tough the tough get going, no pain no gain, on and on they drone beating us down even further even as we scream at them to just be quiet.pain

At moments like these, listen to yourself. Above all, don’t listen to advertising or personal trainers. Don’t do what your friends did in a similar situation because you are not your friends. We all have different specific needs, but we all have a similar need to treat ourselves well and be gentle with our minds and bodies.

A few years back during the fiftieth Super Bowl halftime show they limped out the most valuable player from every Super Bowl. Every last one who had been retired more than five years could barely walk. This is what happens when we refuse to listen to our bodies and continue trying to run through brick walls. A similar, though less visible and likely more damaging, thing happens to our psyches when we try to run through mental and emotional walls.

It quite simply isn’t worth the price we pay when we deceive ourselves about our abilities. Listen to your body and listen to your mind, and slow down before it starts to hurt. If the pain has already started, stop and treat yourself with gentleness and nurturance. Take a bath, soak in a hot tub, go for a walk and connect with nature, pet your dog or cat or partner, breathe deeply, clear your schedule, and do it all with great attention, feeling, and gentleness. Repeat as needed. Whatever issues you may be facing will wait for you. Life is not a race. Allow yourself to heal. It has never been more important.