Why Didn’t God…?

As someone who has been in the religion and spirituality biz for a long time now (cue the old guy jokes), I can tell you that the most frequently asked question in religion is some version of the title to this post. Why didn’t God ______________? You can fill in the blank with anything you can imagine – and people do exactly that. Why did Grandma die, why didn’t God save my puppy, why was I assaulted, why did it rain on my wedding day, why does God allow [everything we don’t like], the list goes on and on. The answers given to that question, sometimes but not always by well meaning people, are almost as numerous as the questions asked. All of them, save the one I am about to give you, are nonsense.

The reason God didn’t do what you wanted or hoped God would do is because you misunderstand the nature of God. It’s not your fault, you got your faulty images from institutional religion. Institutional religion lies to you all the time because it isn’t in the truth business. Institutional religion is in the marketing business. They want to keep you coming back for more and putting money in the collection plate. They try to get you to do that because that’s how they stay in business. Therefore, they will tell you some version of “it’s your fault.” God doesn’t rescue you because you are a sinner, or don’t have enough faith, or love the wrong people, or used to masturbate to a picture of Marie Osmond in a Tiger Beat magazine. These are all wrong answers.

The correct answer is that God doesn’t rescue us, God journeys with us. God isn’t a superhero or a helicopter parent, God is a companion. The vision of God you have been sold is defective.

I will be writing more about this in the near future, but in the meantime you might want to consider every story you ever heard from the scriptures of your religious tradition. If you do, you will find that many of them contradict the teachings of your tradition. You will come to see that institutional religion, and in some cases the authors of scripture, make their living not by telling you the truth but rather by convincing you that their version of God is better than the others. Many times they tell you that right after insisting that there is only one God – a direct contradiction to their marketing campaign. The good news is that you can learn to see for yourself, and clearly!

Freedom

All the brave protesters shouting "I am free,"
Spinning in their box for some pigeon feed.
Rage on their faces, rifles at their side,
"Don't mess with me because I know my rights!"

Convincing themselves much ado about nothing
So much better than a little blue pill.
Spending all your time compensating,
Still at the Statehouse you find time to kill.

A woman in charge simply will not stand,
At least not if you're an impotent he-man
So hide your face because you're brave
And play to the camera your freedom to save.

God knows it isn't easy to be effete,
Another 'Murican gone down to defeat.
Screw the dog, kick the wife,
Nobody can tell you to get a life.

 

Compelled to Castrate

It used to be called “inclusive language,” now more and more it’s being called “genderless language.” If genderless language is anything like inclusive language, it will fast become an idol. Allow me to explain…

My first church valued inclusive language to the point where if something wasn’t written that way – even things written long before the advent of inclusive language – they couldn’t hear it and wanted to exclude it from gatherings of the church. They would alter it when they could, and all of our songs were castrated for our protection, but there were ken dolltimes it just didn’t work. If you waltz into a piece of poetry, for example, and set about changing the language to remove the penises (penii?), you change the rhyme and the meter and effectively destroy the work of the artist in service to your own ego. Genderless language, whatever else it might do, does the same thing. Becoming a proponent of it often leads one to look at every piece of writing or speech they encounter with an eye toward gender first. Since in all likelihood the writer didn’t have gender on their mind when they wrote whatever it is you are sanitizing, keeping the world safe from gender is an exercise in missing the point.

Many of us know someone who feels compelled to mention gender or sexuality in nearly every conversation. Statements like, “As a queer woman, I like green beans,” are simply nonsense, yet some people will go to rather cumbersome lengths to ensure we don’t forget their sexuality. To be completely honest, I find such practices profoundly boring. I occasionally listen to a podcast where in more episodes than not one host mentions being a queer woman, another mentions teaching theology in a university setting, and the third mentions having worked in a lay capacity for a religious order for many years. They are more or less equivalent expressions of their unmet ego needs, not all that different from insisting on genderless language. Such practices are extremely boring and obtrusive to me. Go ahead, use whatever language you care to use and find your identity wherever you need to find it. Just get on with it, already, and perhaps we can talk about something of substance!

Cabin Fever?

solitary

One of the things I find fascinating about the experience of safer at home during the last several weeks is the number of people who are struggling with perceived isolation. I don’t refer here to people who live alone and cannot go to work. I refer to the rest of us. We have social contact. Perhaps we go to work, or visit with friends and colleagues virtually, we might work virtually, we go to the grocery store and other essential places, and yet to hear some people tell it you would think they were in solitary confinement!

I would like to suggest that if the above describes how you are feeling you would benefit

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from some self examination. If you are partnered, I would ask you to consider that maybe the only reason the two (or more) of you aren’t doing well is because the only time you can tolerate each other is when you are separated most of the time. If that’s the case, it might be time to ask some serious questions about your relationship and consider getting some counseling when this is all over. There are concrete steps you can take to improve things, and at this time you have a great opportunity to begin!

marathonThe third possibility is that you are hiding from yourself. There are things about yourself or your history that you don’t want to consider, and all this time with less to do than normal increases the possibility that they will surface. In normal times, you can keep nearly perpetually active, stopping only to collapse into bed at night and hitting the floor running in the morning. Now, however, when you are alone you may be experiencing anxiety and the need to find something, almost anything, to do. The answer is to engage in some grounding practices and just be present to what you are feeling. Running away isn’t going to help, it’s just going to kick the problem further down the road until you have no choice but to face it. That’s always more traumatic that choosing to face it. Don’t waste this valuable time. It may not come again until fall!

Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States!

box-rocks-isolated-white-corrugated-cardboard-holds-several-colorful-small-rock-parcels-background-37986604

Unfortunately, the last guy was found to be too damn stupid to continue, so we had to replace him with this box of rocks, which has been verified to be a very stable genius with very large hands.

Yesterday, President Trump actually suggested that a light – either inside the body or outside – might cure corona virus. The he suggested household disinfectants, since they trumpdisinfectantclean surfaces in only sixty seconds, might be injected or ingested as a cure for the virus. CNN suggested that he was reaching for a quick solution. Nonsense. As I watched the video of him making these suggestions to physicians and telling them they should check these things out with medical doctors (does he not know these people are “medical doctors”?), I was struck by the fact that he most resembled a five year old child engaging in magical thinking. This isn’t a man grasping at straws, this is a man engaging in whartonkellytrumpmagical thinking at the level of a preschooler and pulling ideas from his intestines.

The truth is that we were warned about his stupidity. The rest of the truth is that a significant percentage of Americans either didn’t believe he was stupid or didn’t see it as a problem. That would be evidence of the stupidity of those people. You may not have to be a genius to be President, but you do have to be able to grab your own ass with both hands. Trump can’t even grab other people’s asses (an easier task), but apparently is proficient at grabbing their “pussy.” The fact that such behavior wasn’t a problem for American voters is evidence of a societal problem of epic proportions. bellcurve

As I have written before, intelligence – like every other naturally occurring phenomena – is distributed across a bell curve. Average intelligence falls in the middle. Half of the people are of above average intelligence and half are below. For every brilliant person you meet, there is an idiot somewhere that balances them out. Currently, one of those idiots is occupying the White House until the above box of rocks arrives to take his place. What do we do about this?

I believe the biggest thing we can do is insist that education is fully funded. No more defunding education to please the wealthy and provide a docile working population. No more encouraging ignorance to please manipulative politicians who want to be able to convince the voting public they have their best interests at heart as they steal their wallets. No more. We need to reclaim our power and demand better from the selfish pricks we have elected to national office. Nothing else will change our situation.

Let’s Get Real

surrounded by assholesCan I be honest for just a minute? I am talking about being brutally honest and pulling no punches. If this corona virus has taught us anything, it has taught us that we are surrounded by ego maniacal, delusional, narcissistic assholes. There really is no other way to put it that does justice to the level of dysfunction in this country from the White House to the last hillbilly loading his weapons and heading to their Statehouse wearing a mask because they are a curious blend of bravado and cowardice.

You see, normal healthy individuals don’t just decide they don’t give a care about other coronavirus-protest-denver-colorado-getty-200420_hpMain_20200420-043502_16x9_992people’s health and lives, knowingly putting them in jeopardy. Make no mistake about it, that’s exactly what these assholes are doing. They have been presented with the evidence repeatedly yet they choose to ignore it. Healthy, psychologically intact people simply don’t do that. If you need more evidence for the large number of narcissists among us, just look at the ratings of Fox News. Despite encouraging their own employees to do the right things – social distance, stay at home if they are sick, frequent hand washing – their personality-less personalities go on the air and preach the exact opposite. Significantly, their narcissistic audience responds in an overwhelmingly positive fashion. Why? Well, because they are narcissists for whom facts don’t apply. They are people who honestly believe that whatever little nonsense bangs around their twisted narcissistbrains is more reliable than science, more reliable than fact. My question is, if they are so sure they are right then why are they wearing masks? Shouldn’t they be proud, bravely showing their faces? Surely they can’t be covering their faces because of the virus, because the virus isn’t anything to worry about, right? So what is the issue?

Some well meaning but blissfully ignorant people tell us we need to heal the political divide in America. They say we can’t go on with the status quo, but anyone who was raised by a narcissist or married to one knows that they aren’t interested in coming to an understanding but rather expect the world to see the brilliance of their bullshit and fall in line. Much like trying to debate a drunk, trying to reconcile with a narcissist is a fool’s errand. Absent extensive psychological intervention, they aren’t going to be able to change, much less be interested in changing. Instead of trying to rope the wind, what those of us who have contact with reality need to do is mobilize. We need to mobilize to get out the vote, mobilize to pressure our elected officials to make responsible decisions rather than pander to narcissists, and actively protests those individuals and companies that do not comply. It is the only way we will ever see change.

 

Health Benefits of Kissing

Here’s a great, healthy way to pass the time during your quarantine!

Be Inspired..!!

Everyone loves a good smooch but did you know there are actual health benefits to a good make out session? So if you want an easy way to see the dentist less, don’t forget to kiss.

The physical act of kissing works over 29 muscles in your face. A quick romantic kiss will burn 2 to 3 calories. A solid French kiss burns 5 calories. An average person spends 20,160 minutes of their lives kissing. A single kiss can contain up to 278 different types of bacteria but don’t worry 95% of them are harmless.

Here are a few health benefits of kissing :

  • In case you forgot your toothbrush – French kissing increases saliva flow which can help reduce oral plaque which can cause cavities. Kissing also stimulates the immune system to create antibodies to the new bacteria.
  • Throw away headache medications – Kissing increases blood flow to the…

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Becoming Well Informed

Irony of ironies, now that I have more time for social media, I find that I struggle to tolerate it. With people having more time to post, and posting a lot about the current pandemic, their ignorance is coming to the fore. I find this to be especially true about geekmillennials, and it has nothing to do with their intelligence. Whether they are smart as a whip or dumb as a box of rocks, it seems they have little idea of how to think critically. Added to their tendency to isolate from the news cycle, what we are left with is a recipe for disaster.

At least in part, it’s not their fault. Our educational system has become obsessed with STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics). The reason is that corporations say they need more people in these fields, and I believe them. However, in true American fashion, we have exercised little moderation in this effort and so tended to cut what we in the old days would have called a solid liberal arts foundation from our education. This is true not only at the university level, but also in primary and secondary education. We teach to the test, restrict our curricula to so-called common core materials, and teach to the test. To be quite clear, this is the fault not of teachers but of school boards and administrators across the country. What we are left with is technological social misfits who lack common sense.

One result of this is that news is boring, somehow less than important, as so we pay little attention to it. When we do pay attention to it, we don’t go in depth because we don’t find it very important, and so we are easy prey for the misleading headline. When our friends say something it carries as much weight as the New York Times. We “hear” things and pass them along as fact, revealing our ignorance with startling starkness. We don’t stop to think about the impact of passing along what we have “heard” or questionable memes on our friends, as I witnessed on one person’s Facebook page when he passed along a conspiracy meme that was critical of healthcare workers in the corona virus struggle, suggesting they never get sick and so it’s not real. Of course neither assertion is true. He handsome-man-reading-newspaper-street_23-2147694649never considered that one of his friends is a Registered Nurse on the front lines of the battle.

The biggest problem in all of this may well be that it cannot be corrected overnight. You can’t just pick up tomorrow’s paper and become well informed. It takes time, and it takes practice. It starts with learning the difference between credible sources and propaganda mills. It continues with implementing a healthy skepticism to everything you hear or read, taking care to look at the source from which it came. This is important because if you aren’t well informed you can’t be a responsible citizen. You simply cannot go to the polls and cast a vote in your own self-interest if you lack the ability to discern which candidate represents that self-interest. This doesn’t take hours each day. Ten minutes a day reading news from a solid source, or listening to it, is a good start. It takes work, and you have to commit to it, but if you care anything about your life and the lives of the next generation, it isn’t optional. In fact, I can guarantee you will feel better about yourself.

How Can I Cash In?

quote-the-secret-of-being-a-top-notch-con-man-is-being-able-to-know-what-the-mark-wants-and-ken-kesey-36-63-08When confronted with adversity, most of us try to come up with a way to overcome it. Only the most twisted among us look for a way to profit financially from the adversity others experience. Often, but not always, they are politicians. Other times they are little more than small time crooks looking to turn a quick buck. In most every case, they are sociopaths devoid of a conscience, the most severely mentally ill among us. They don’t get the same attention as the pour souls whose illness leads then to more dramatic outward evidence of their illness, and so they operate under the radar.

I once knew someone whose ex-husband was caught on hidden camera by a local news station trying to sell worthless products to the elderly. Most of us would have been humiliated by that experience but, ever the true sociopath, this guy claimed that he was victimized by the television station that caught him, unfairly persecuting him when many others were doing similar things that made his offense seem inconsequential. I ampatriotismlastrefuge quite sure his victims, living on a fixed income and defrauded by him, didn’t find his acts inconsequential at all.

Sociopaths can be quite charming, which makes them ideal politicians. They are more than capable of lying to our faces, saying they have our best interests at heart. They know what our best interests are, they just don’t give a damn. They are incapable of moving beyond their own interest, and for them the rules are something to be bypassed. If you believe you can change them, you are deceiving yourself. The only treatment for the cancer they are is removing them from positions of trust.

What Are You Doing…

…with all that toilet paper? This is a serious question. For weeks now, you have been buying every last roll of toilet paper you can get your hands on. I am trying to decide what you are doing that you continue to need more. Mind you, I have plenty. I bought assholeTPtwo nine packs about five weeks ago and we are likely good for at least another month. This brings me back to my question – what are you doing?

Is it that you are now forced to cook at home and are so horrendously bad at it that you have constant diarrhea? If that was the case you would have become critically dehydrated and died by now. Does it make you drunk with power to look at the massive collection of toilet paper you have accumulated? Do you sit at home just gazing at a shit paper pyramid with glee while slowly diddling yourself? Is this what you have been reduced to during these stressful times? If that’s the case then I feel compelled to tell you as a public service that you have lost your damn mind.

I understand that you are anxious, really I do. The problem is that the solution you have one flewarrived at to assuage your anxiety has nothing to do with the cause of your anxiety. You feel out of control and that is an uncomfortable feeling. I understand. There is nothing about stockpiling anything that is going to really cause you to regain control. You won’t feel you are in control until things have returned to normal. In all likelihood that is months away, long after safer at home orders have been lifted. By then you won’t be able to leave your house because you will have trapped yourself behind a pyramid of ass wipe and struggle to get to the door.

Get some help. Now.